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This Jerk Off Got Off With Out A Hitch

BRASILIA, Brazil — An armed man in Brazil has heisted an 18-carat gold-plated vibrator selling for $4,000 at a luxury sex shop.

Police say he walked into the Erotica Luxo store in Brasilia, tied up a clerk and took the item from its display case. He stole nothing else.

It’s …

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Partly Cloudy With A Chance Of Crossbow

JOHNSON CITY, Tenn. — Police say a TV weatherman in Tennessee was wounded by a bolt from a crossbow during a break-in at his home by a man he once lived with who has been charged with attempted first-degree murder.

The Johnson City Press reports that police say 53-year-old …

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What A Crappy Neighbor

When it came to bugging the neighbors, this Florida woman had a really crappy idea.

Sharee Barnes, 32, was arrested on May 27 after allegedly threatening to “take a s–t” on someone else’s lawn.

At about 3:20 a.m. cops were called to the neighbor’s home in Vero Beach after receiving …

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Asleep At The Wheel

A suspected north Idaho car burglar appears to have fallen asleep on the job.

Police say 33-year-old Jason D. Hill was arrested during the wee hours of Thursday morning after he was caught napping inside one of the vehicles he was trying to steal outside a Post Falls apartment …

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And The Award For Mom Of The Year Goes To . . . .

PHOENIX – A 19-year-old mother is under arrest on child abuse and aggravated DUI charges after police say she left her five-week-old baby strapped in a car seat on top of her car and drove off.

The child is said to be in good condition and now in custody …

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Tunnel Of Dumb

A BLACKPOOL fire bug tried to dig his way to freedom through a prison chimney breast after plotting a Colditz-style escape bid.

Easterleigh Animal Sanctuary arsonist Jordan Morgan and resort man David Crossfield kicked at a chimney facade at Preston Prison before using a drawer runner to scrape away …

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Man Divorces His Wife For Having Too Much Pussy Around The House

Talk about one crazy cat lady.

A man from southern Israel is divorcing his wife because she adopted 550 pet cats, the Times of Israel reported Wednesday.

According to the paper, the unnamed man complained in his divorce docs that the hundreds of kitties hindered his home life at every …

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Underwear Bandit

A Henderson County woman has been arrested for allegedly stealing several random items from her next door neighbor’s home.

Cameron Holcomb said she came home from a trip and discovered her home had been broken into and her closet and drawers had been emptied. As she went through the …

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Super Soaker With A Bang

This is hardly child’s play: Randy Smith, 54, was reportedly found walking the streets of Fresno, Calif., Saturday night, carrying a Super Soaker that he had converted into a 20-gauge shotgun, according to KMPH.

Normally cops wouldn’t raise an eyebrow at someone waltzing around town with one of a …

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This Harvard Reunion Was The Bomb

The latest issue of Harvard University carries an update from one of its more ‘distinguished’ alumni — Ted Kaczynski — just in time for his 50-year class reunion.

The Unabomber bragged about being ‘awarded’ eight life sentences by a federal judge. He was convicted in 1998 of killing three …

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